Helpful Books for Wounded Pastors

12 Steps for the Recovering Pharisee (like me): Finding Grace to Live Unmasked
     By John Fischer

A Tale of Three Kings: A Study in Brokenness
     By Gene Edwards

Been Wronged Lately? Biblical Remedies in an Age of Litigation
     By David Garrett

Before You Quit: When Ministry Is Not What You Thought
     By Blaine Allen

Caring For Your Pastor: Helping God’s Servant to Minister with Joy
    By Lorna Dobson

Character Forged From Conflict: Staying Connected To God During Controversy
     By Gary Preston

Clergy Killers: Guidance for Pastors and Congregations Under Attack
     By G. Lloyd Rediger

Crucified by Christians: Healing for those who have been . . .
     By Gene Edwards

Crushed: The Perious Journey Called Ministry
    By Gary Pinion

Draw Close To The Fire: Finding God in the Darkness
     By Terry Wardle

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Unleash A Revolution In Your Life In Christ
     By Peter Scazzero

Every Man’s Battle: Every Man’s Guide to . . . Winning The War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time
     By Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker with Mike Yorkey

Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes Into Stepping Stones For Success
     By John Maxwell

Fallen Into Grace
    By Gary Hauck

Finding Your Way Home: Freeing The Child Within You And Discovering Wholeness In The Functional Family Of God
    By Kenneth Schmidt

Firestorm: Preventing and Overcoming Church Conflicts
     By Ron Susek

Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve
     By Lewis Smedes

God Guides
     By Mary Geegh

Hit By A Ton Of Bricks: You’re Not Alone When Your Child’s On Drugs
    By John Vawter

Holy Burnout: Turning Brokenness Into Blessing, Through The Power Of God’s Restoring Love!
    By Steve Roll

Honestly
    By Sheila Walsh

I Was Wrong: The Untold Story of the Shocking Journey from PTL Power to Prison and Beyond
    By Jim Bakker

I’m More than the Pastor’s Wife: Authentic Living in a Fishbowl World
    By Lorna Dobson

In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership
     By Henri Nouwen

Job Experiences God
     By Keith Kaynor

Living Fearlessly: Telling The Truth — Facing Your Fears — Finding His Peace
     By Sheila Walsh

Love, Acceptance & Forgiveness: Equipping The Church To Be Truly Christian In A Non-Christian World
     By Jerry Cook with Stanley Baldwin

Messy Spirituality: God’s Annoying Love for Imperfect People
    By Michael Yaconelli

More Than I Could Ever Ask: The Story of a Woman, Broken and Defeated, Who Found That Dreams Really Do Come True
    By Lori Graham Bakker

Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership: The Paradox of Personal Dysfunction
    By Gary McIntosh & Samuel Rima, Sr.

Ruthless Trust . . . The Ragamuffin’s Path to God
    By Brennan Manning

Seizing Your Divine Moment . . . Dare to Live a Life of Adventure
     By Erwin Raphael McManus

Shame and Grace: Healing the Shame We Don’t Deserve
     By Lewis Smedes

The Breathing Blanket: How Attitude and Listening Prevail
    By Greg Bauer

The Call to Love: Unleashing The Power To Love God And Others In Your Everyday Life
    By Linda Riley

The Compassionate Congregation: A Handbook For People Who Care
    By Karen Mulder and Ginger Jurries

The Emotionally Healthy Church: A Strategy for Discipleship that Actually Changes Lives
     By Peter Scazzero

The Making of a Leader: Recognizing The Lessons And Stages Of Leadership Development
    By Robert Clinton

The Ragamuffin Gospel: Embracing The Unconditional Love Of God
     By Brennan Manning

The Pressure’s Off . . . There’s a New Way to Live
     By Larry Crabb

The Search For Significance: We Can Build Our Self-Worth On Our Ability To Please Others, Or On The Love And Forgiveness Of Jesus Christ
    By Robert McGee

The Will of God as a Way of Life . . . Finding and Following the Will of God
    By Gerald L. Sittser

The Wounded Minister: Healing from and preventing Personal Attacks
     By Guy Greenfield

Unmasking Male Depression: Recognizing the Root Cause To Many Problem Behaviors, Such as Anger, Resentment, Abusiveness, Silence, Addictions, and Sexual Compulsions
     By Archibald Hart

Watchman Nee: Man of Suffering
     By Bob Laurent

Wild at Heart . . . Discovering The Secret of A Man’s Soul
    By John Eldredge

John Smith on 01.19.07

Unmasking Male Depression

This book was highly recommend to me by Samuel Beals, who was Executive Director of Christian Counseling Center in Grand Rapids at the time. I have compiled a few selected quotes that will give you an idea of the book’s message.

“For a long time, there has been a cultural cover-up of male depression. Thank God that is changing. Finally, men are beginning to acknowledge that depression is part of their world as well. The myth is that men are not supposed to be weak. But depression is not a sign of weakness. The forces that help to create male depression also conspire to keep men from seeing it in themselves. Depression is the hidden, secret pain at the core of many men’s lives.”

“If secular men have problems confronting the reality of male depression, imagine how difficult it is for Christian men to concede it! For them, it isn’t just a matter of it undermining their masculinity, but it raises the question of whether they are failing spiritually. The myth in evangelical Christendom, where I belong, is that depression is a sure sign that you are defective in your reliance on God, that you are weak in faith, or, worst of all, that sin lurks in your inmost being. Men do get depressed. They don’t always realize it, but they do, and it is not a “failing” of any kind.”

“One very important reason why men don’t readily acknowledge depression is that depression itself eludes recognition. Its very nature is such that you can be depressed for days, even weeks, and you probably don’t detect it in yourself. The depression itself takes away our ability to be aware of its presence, just as it takes away our sensitivities in other areas.”

“But even if a male can see the signs of depression in himself, men are indoctrinated with a need to appear invulnerable. Owning up to depression has shaming consequences. The pain of shame far outweighs the more hidden pain of depression, so good-bye treatment!”

“Real men can, and sometimes ought to be depressed. Not to be depressed when the life moment requires it is to deny one’s humanness and deprive oneself of an opportunity to become healthier. Depression is a “healing emotion,” especially when you cooperate with it. Not to own up to your depression when you are depressed is to circumvent the emotional healing process God has designed into us. When men begin to own up to their depression and cooperate with its purpose, they achieve a greater level of healing for themselves. Denying the expression of one’s depression also puts you at increased risk for many other physical illnesses.”

“Generally speaking, men tend to act out their emotions while women feel their depression. Men hide their emotional pain through workaholism, anger, aggression, irritability, or substance abuse. Women are able to express their pain more directly, either by displaying it openly, like crying, or by verbalizing their emotions by talking about them. As a result, they “feel” the sadness and dejection in more direct ways.”

“Not only are men less likely to own up to or want to discuss depression, they are also less likely to seek professional help for it. Getting help for emotional pain falls into the same realm as asking for directions! The macho thing is to believe and say: “I’ll walk out of this on my own. I don’t need anyone to point the way, and I certainly don’t need anyone’s help. Besides, the average male has got all those wonderful “escapes” that can help to conceal his melancholy. They serve as antidotes or, more correctly, as forms of antidepressant that distract the male from his depression rather than curing it. These escapes are abundant and readily available in the male world. Male prophylactics for depression range from sports to sex and from work to “wheels.” Why do you think so many men love motorcycles—especially Harley Davidsons? Sporty cars? Sorry, guys! Men learn very early in life how to “mask” their depressions with anything that offers adrenaline excitement. A macho “I can lick this by myself” attitude also helps. For some, alcohol takes care of the problem just nicely! Taken together these factors increase the likelihood that serious male depression will go undiagnosed and untreated. Who suffers? Not just men. “Hidden” depressions devastate the loved ones of those who are depressed.”

“Depression is a common theme among great men in general, believe it or not. Of the more recent great men who have suffered from depression, Sir Winston Churchill has always stood out for me. Always the underdog and an almost total failure by the time he was in his sixties, he found his moment of destiny in history had come when he was chosen to help the British Empire withstand the onslaughts of Hitler’s Nazism. His father and five of the seven dukes of Marlborough, his ancestors, suffered from depression, a clear sign of its genetic causes. All his life he suffered spells of depression, sinking into brooding depths of melancholy—he called it his “black dog.” Every day he chiseled his way through his duties praying for the relief that never came.”

“What is even more encouraging to me is how some of the great saints of God have suffered from depression. Charles Spurgeon, the great British preacher of the latter part of the last century . . . seemed to understand the true nature of depression. One of his lectures to the young men at Spurgeon’s College, the seminary he founded, contains the following words of wisdom:

As it is recorded that David, in the heat of battle, waxed faint, so may it be written of all the servants of the Lord. Fits of depression come over the most of us. Usually cheerful as we may be, we must at intervals be cast down. The strong are not always vigorous, the wise may not always be ready, the brave not always courageous, and the joyous not always happy.

“A man of extraordinary humor with a laugh that could single him out in an enormous crowd, Spurgeon knew from personal experience the depths of despair. He knew that some suffered from depression while others didn’t and had a sneaking suspicion that there were reasons for this. Depression was not God’s judgment for sin, nor was he turning His back on a believer. It happened when one neglected oneself, when one was sick, when one was stressed out, when one didn’t get enough rest and sleep, when one was occupied in a sedentary lifestyle, when one was a “leader of men”—and sometimes for no discernible reason at all. ‘Causeless depression,’ he said, ‘is not to be reasoned with . . . . You might as well fight with the mist as with this shapeless, indefinable, yet all beclouding hopelessness.’ And all this came just from very carefully observing himself. It is about as accurate a description of the causes of depression as I have ever seen or could come up with myself!”

“I share this account of great men who have suffered from severe depression as an encouragement to those men who may feel that their depression is a sign of a totally wasted life. It is not! You keep company with some of the greatest human beings that have ever lived!”

Archibald Hart on 01.19.07

FireStorm: Preventing and Overcoming Church Conflicts

“Pastors must receive professional help. I am not referring to the general help found at conferences and seminars. I'm referring to the personal kind, like that provided by the personal coach of a world-class athlete. Pastors need highly personalized help at three points in their ministries: when leaving a church (under good or bad circumstances), while serving a church, and prior to entering a new church.”

“Pastors are generally tough, resilient people who find it hard to face and accept their own needs. They function out of personal initiative, faith and prayer. When they do not periodically gain professional help, the church pays the price. They become blinded by the light of self-evaluation and cannot see their own needs. Behind every badly burned pastor will be found a long, slow burn that took place before they became engulfed in the final flame.”

“Unlike flesh wounds, heart wounds don't heal on their own. While God has built restorative powers into the body that perform without our awareness, the heart and mind demand conscious care to heal. And that is best done with a professionally trained person to assist the process.”

“While people must draw their inner strength from God alone, it is also within God's plan that people draw from one another. It is not infrequent that one will gain a divine perspective only through the assistance of another person. TRC [Alongside] counselors are trained to listen for the symptoms of burnout or other problems. They may take their cues from hearing pastors mention such symptoms as listlessness, lack of motivation, sleeplessness, tentativeness, loss of creativity, withdrawal from people, detachment, cynicism, and anger. They know that failing to get at the heart of these symptoms can lead to serious physical problems, as well as the destruction of ministries and homes. Their purpose is to help God’s servants restore strength for service.”

“Frankly, every person in ministry periodically needs to sort through the complexities to understand his or her inner motivations and responses. These areas are often worked out by talking with a loved one or a friend, as in iron sharpening iron (Prov. 27:17). Leaders who would reach greatness, however, must find someone trained…who can fulfill Proverbs 20:5; ‘The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.’”

“Churches have the right to expect good performance from their pastors. But that leads to responsibility of providing the assistance pastors need to keep their performance levels high…If you were hiring someone to head a billion-dollar-a-year corporation that yielded nothing more than temporal value, you would consider a thirty-day preparation time as money and time well invested. How dare we consider anything less for the people whom we call to lead the church in matters of eternal consequence? A thirty-day period is not always possible. But between pastorates, especially, and every three to five years within a pastorate, a thirty-day period is essential. At every point this is neglected, the church will suffer loss. On the other hand, your pastor’s gain will directly result in your church’s gain. Your church will pay one way or the other—either by equipping and enabling your pastor to be a bright beacon, or allowing him to merely exist on a low energy charge, resulting in a dim signal to the world.”

“If you are a pastor, you cannot wait on the church to provide for your needs. Whether churches awaken to this concept or not is beyond your control. Therefore, you must take immediate action to keep your own life in peak condition...”

Ron Susek on 01.19.07